Women Shaming Women: A Rant

One of my favorite radio stations will do an occasional segment called “Grind my Gears” and the newscaster gets to just rant about current things that drive me crazy or “grind his gears”. Consider this my version of "Grind my Gears".

So, I saw this article in my facebook newsfeed and actually had a violent reaction to it. It grinds my gears so to speak.

Self magazine asked to use a woman's photo of her running in a marathon in a tutu, which she heartily agreed to, and then used it to mock her efforts. Oh, and by the way, she was mid-chemo treatments AND has a charity to raise money for young girls.

I am not sure which reason pushed me completely over the edge after reading this but there are a few possibilities. 

Maybe it is because I have dabbled in running in tutus. 

Maybe it is because I have never been and never will be the super-fit athletic wonder woman.

Maybe it is because I struggle immensely with weight loss.

Maybe it is because it is just a super bitchy thing for Self magazine to have asked to use this woman’s photo to heartlessly mock and shame her.

Seriously, the fact that she is a cancer survivor is the least of it for me (not that it isn’t 100% awesome, rock-star status to run a marathon in the midst of chemo, plus raise money for charity besides!). It is the fact that she is a woman, trying to better herself, make healthy life choices and a magazine FOR WOMEN’s HEALTH cut her down for having fun while being healthy. This is everything that is wrong with the world we live in. 

If I need to strap on a tutu to run a 5K, what the hell is wrong with that? Are you truly pretentious enough to say I dumbing down your sport? Have I personally offended you with my tulle-adorned waist?

Wait, let me answer that for you. The answer is No. Just enjoy my fluffly behind as you pass me and move on with your life. 

Then, later in the day, I saw this headline. Joan Rivers Accuses Lena Dunham of Promoting Obesity

For the record, I don’t watch Girls and don’t know much about Lena Dunham, but I do know that she is a real person and no one deserves to be the target of this unkindness.  

I am not sure if Joan Rivers needs to be the poster girl for obesity and diabetes prevention here and aside from that, why oh why, as a woman who broke down so many boundaries for women in comedy would she viciously attack another young woman who is in a similar situation as she was? Shame on you Joan.

And, for the record, Lena Dunham isn’t fat. She is a perfectly normal-sized individual with a normal BMI. Just because she doesn’t fit into some unrealistic Giselle-shaped pigeon hole does not mean she is not a beautiful person. Plus, from what I have gleaned, this girl is downright brilliant, so maybe we should celebrate that instead of cutting her down for what she looks like.

When will we learn that fat-shaming doesn’t work?

Making a person feel embarrassment and shame is never going to spur them into making healthier decisions for themselves and honestly probably just sends some into a deeper spiral. If a person is able to accept and love themselves, they are going to be more likely to make good, healthy decisions than if they are forced to keep tearing themselves down.

Do you people really have no idea that you can’t say anything to a chubby girl that she hasn’t already said to herself 1000 times?

I guarantee I have hated on my body WAY more than anyone else ever could, but it still hurts deeply when someone else says anything negative about it. We already know what is “wrong” with our bodies, so maybe just don’t be a jerk and keep it to yourself.

Anyway, why is it wrong to love myself and my body the way it is – curves, lumps, and bumps and all?

To be honest, I would rather be chubby with curves than super skinny – that’s my personal preference and why isn’t it OK for me to embrace that? There are so many different body types out there, why is only 1 considered beautiful?

And women (myself included) – Can we please just stop being a bunch of catty bitches? I mean honestly, together we could do so much good, why do we waste our time tearing each other down?

Whew. It felt good to get that out.

Anything that is grinding your gears lately? Run in a tutu recently?

UPDATE: I just wanted to include here a response by San Diego residents to the Self Magazine debacle.  

Some of my faith in humanity may be restored :) 

Fashionably Late Oscar Fashion

I am going to try to play this off like a fashionably late entrance to a party. You know, the one that starts at 7, but the really cool crowd doesn't show up until 9? No? You don't know that party? Me either. I am the one that gets there at 6:45 to help set up, but let's pretend anyway shall we?

The Oscars wrapped up a weeks ago now and I shamefully still don't have my Oscar Fashion post done - I have downloaded photos and have plenty of opinions popping around in my mind - so let's get cracking!

I am not going to feature everything here today - I want to highlight through several posts the best, the worst, some trends I saw, and who did it better at the parties than the show. I will also have posts detailing some leading ladies and their entire award-show-season looks.

For today, let's start with the trends and who wore them best!

1. Blush Pink

(Jada Pinkett-Smith, Penelope Cruz, Ellie Kemper, Laura Dern 

But my Best of the Blush: 

Camilla Alves. 

How stunning is she in that dress? And the draping?! So much drama and class in one dress. Oscar Perfection. 

2. Pedal to the metal - metallics!! 

 Lady Gaga (why was she there?), Jennifer Garner, Angelina Jolie, Miranda Kerr 

Selena Gomez, Goldie Hawn, Julie Delpy, Jessica Biel 

But my favorite ladies in metallic hues:

 Rumor Willis (cause wow, girl looks good)

Kristen Chenoworth and Kate Hudson 

Little Kristen looks like she should BE an Oscar and Kate just oooooooooozes old Hollywood glamour and sex appeal. Stunning. 

3. Nude and white hues 

Jenna Dewan-Tatum, Cate Blanchett, Kate Beckinsale, Sofia Vergara 

All of them win. Just freaking gorgeous. 

Naomi Watts, Calista Flockhart, Olivia Munn (committing some sort of awful crime against boobies in that dress)

4. Green Goddesses

June Squibb, Adele Nazeem (Idina Menzel), and Evan Rachel Wood

All stunners - but ERW may be my all-time favorite look of the entire night. I mean THAT is how you do the Oscars - and she wasn't even there! That's at the Vanity Fair party! 

5. And finally - a LBD is a timeless, classic look:

 Mindy Kaling, Anna Kendrick, Olivia Wilde 

Margot Robbie, Emma Watson, Anne Hathaway

Most of them are gorgeous, a few a little boring, a few a little off (looking at you Anna and Anne) but the creme de la creme of the black dresses: 

The always-stunning Charlize Theron

Story of my life…

Ugh – I am such a sucker for boy bands. I love that stupid One Direction song! (and OMG - the video is actually super adorable) I suppose the 7^th grader in me never really grew up.

Anyway, story of my life is I cannot post consistently on this blog to save my life. I appreciate you readers who put up with my sporadic updates, outfit posts, and fashion police posts. I want to be better for you, but honestly, until I am finished with this blasted Master’s degree, it probably won’t happen.

February has been completely crazy and I have been super busy. So, I want to just take a quick peek back at my favorite things from this past month, mostly through links and instagram photos J

Style-wise I got a new ‘do! I keep going redder and redder and am basically just convinced that I was simply meant to be a red-head. 

My inspiration photo is this:

I seriously have such a girl-crush on Christina Hendricks.

I’ve also been channeling Spring through vibrant outfits this past week. I am so over this Polar Vortex crap, so I am hoping to entice Spring with obnoxiously bright outfits!

I hit the halfway mark on my 100-day shopping ban and am feeling good! I will have to actually write an entire post, but Rachel, the architect of this ban wrote a lovely post that really captures how I am feeling about the whole thing too.

I also had a super-lovely lovey-dovey Valentine’s date with my hubby and have been feeling very appreciative of him. There has been a LOT of man-bashing happening with some of the women I am around a lot because one of them is going to through an affair and divorce. My heart breaks for her, but I also get a little defensive when a group of older (than me) women tell me to just watch my man. I try not to brag too often about my relationship online and such, but sometimes I just can’t help expressing how much I love the dear man I married.

My Sophie girl turned 5!

(yes this is my dog, not my kid – don’t judge)

I also was a little emotionally strained this month at times – this is a tough time of year because mid-March is when my mom passed away. My brother-in-law asked me to share my testimony about my experiences growing up and finding Jesus, which was very emotional for me. So I posted this throw back of me and my mama from '95-'96.

 Isn’t she pretty?

Some of my favorite things from this month:

Gran Torino – had to write a paper for my gerontology-ethics class and this is an amazing movie.

Cop Car – I feel like all of Keith Urban’s music makes me feel 17 again and this one reminds me of a very particular evening. ;) (no, I did not get arrested!) 

The Voice – It’s back this week and while (story of my life) I probably won’t stick out the whole season, I love Shakira as a coach and love seeing them all bicker over the contestants.

Anti-heros – I am addicted to the Blacklist and the Originals – 2 shows whose main men are very much an antihero. They do terrible, awful things, but you are still rooting for them in the end and kind of just want to give them a hug. I think that The Tudors (which I just started watching on Netflix) is going to be along those lines too.

Seth Rogan – Normally I don’t love this dude because I am just not a juvenile-potty humor kind of gal. I don’t judge it, but its just not my thing. However, he spoke at a (nearly empty) Senate hearing about Alzheimer’s awareness and it made me want to hug him.

Twitter – Guys, I think I am addicted. Follow me! @AshleaDerry

And, this feels barbaric and uncultured, but I am so glad the Olympics are over. Not having cable is only a bummer for special events like that and the online coverage was awful.

Any favorites from February you want to share?  

January Blues

Looking back on the month of January (the Monday of the months) it really did feel like a month of Mondays.
It was hectic and I was sick the whole month.
Whoa.
What an abrupt transition back to "real life" from the holiday season!

Can we just talk about this winter for a hot second? This has been unreal! Just look at these amazing photos of Chiberia! 

This has been a tough, tough winter. I started out back in November being ecstatic over the cooler temperatures - I am a Fall/Winter girl through and through - but even I am ready for Spring!

Anyway, February is starting out splendidly.
Class cancelled, slept in, still in my PJs.
I think I will just start my year on Groundhog's Day this year!

Golden Globes - restyled

I know I am a little late to the game on the Globes red carpet. So late in fact, that the Critics Choice and SAG awards have also already happened.  (It feels a little rushed this year, or is that just me?) This has led me to do something a little different for this Red Carpet season. I am going to follow some of the A-Listers through the awards season and do a summary post of their looks following the Oscars. Some of the ladies on my list are:

- Cate Blanchett
- Julia Roberts
- Sandra Bullock
- JLaw
- Lupita Nyong'o (she is taking the carpet by storm ya'll)
and the hostesses with the mostest - Kelly O and G. Rancic

I will highlight some of the other "best" looks of the awards shows if there are any that aren't the above ladies. Plus, I will try to do some re-styling of some of the worst looks if I have the time. For the Globes I have re-styled my 2 worst (maybe most disappointing?) looks.

Drumroll please:
Zoe Saldana (I don't know why, but the Fashion Police LOVED this look. I think it looks a little like an art project). I tried to give Zoe a softer look with a similar palette.

Zoe Saldana: What I should've Worn, Golden Globes by ashb86 on Polyvore

And - one of my favorite actresses, Drew Barrymore and her bump. I love the flower-child aspect of her style and tried to give her a more sophisticated, less craft-project look with the same feel.

Drew Barrymore: What She Should've Worn, Golden Globes by ashb86 featuring diamond earrings

What do you think? Do you prefer these ladies original looks or my new (and improved!) picks??

Who are YOU watching this Red Carpet season?

Book: The Silence of Bonaventure Arrow

Conceived in love and possibility, Bonaventure Arrow didn’t make a peep when he was born, and the doctor nearly took him for dead. No one knows Bonaventure's silence is filled with resonance - a miraculous gift of rarified hearing that encompasses the Universe of Every Single Sound. Growing up in the big house on Christopher Street in Bayou Cymbaline, Bonaventure can hear flowers grow, a thousand shades of blue, and the miniature tempests that rage inside raindrops. He can also hear the gentle voice of his father, William Arrow, shot dead before Bonaventure was born by a mysterious stranger known only as the Wanderer.

Bonaventure's remarkable gift of listening promises salvation to the souls who love him: his beautiful young mother, Dancy, haunted by the death of her husband; his Grand-mere Letice, plagued by grief and long-buried guilt she locks away in a chapel; and his father, William, whose roaming spirit must fix the wreckage of the past. With the help of Trinidad Prefontaine, a Creole housekeeper endowed with her own special gifts, Bonaventure will find the key to long-buried mysteries and soothe a chorus of family secrets clamoring to be healed

I read this book at the urging (and I use that term lightly, the woman truly got sassy about this recommendation) of my sweet, book-loving mother in law. When she recommends a book, I listen. When she practically throws the book at me to read, I definitely listen! 

I was not disappointed. This book was downright interesting to read - a little special boy with super hearing is such a unique thing to read about. I loved her descriptions of how things sounded, things like earthworms and the color red, which clearly don't have sounds I can hear was truly imaginative. The magical elements dazzled me. 

I also loved the setting of southern Louisiana and New Orleans in the 1950's,  as there is just something bewitching about that time and place for magical stories. The characters are rich and well-developed, ready to walk off the pages (or Kindle screen). The way Leganski weaves together multi-generational stories in this book is very well done and easy to follow. The flashbacks don't muck up the present day story. 

The story, however, is quite bittersweet. More sweet than bitter, but with a sad tone throughout much of it. It is a tale of redemption, forgiveness, and letting go, and tales of these things will usually have a bittersweet tone. I still really enjoyed it though, and wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to other adults to read. 

4/5 stars. 

#100DayShoppingBan

Rachel over at Rachel the Hat posed a shopping challenge for the New Year – a 100 day shopping ban. I figure I will retro-activate mine from 1/1/14. So that would be no shopping for clothing, shoes, or accessories until roughly (if I can add correctly)  April 10^th. As I feel I am in a similar situation to Rachel – shopping is my hobby, it makes me happy, but I have more clothes than should be legal – I decided I would join her on this shopping ban. Things could get interesting around here folks!

However, my one caveat to this ban is that I want to spend my Christmas money on some new items for my wardrobe. Instead of just running out and shopping willy-nilly like I normally would’ve at the post-holiday sales, I was laid up with an upper respiratory infection. I am still half-dead from this infection, so I have had no desire, energy, or gumption to even attempt shopping. This actually may be a blessing though, because faced with 3 months of no new clothes has made me be more purposeful in thinking about what I would spend my precious gift cards on. 

My shopping list includes:

Post-Christmas Wish List by ashb86 featuring a pink skirt

1. Faux fur scarf – I have really been digging the look of just a touch of faux fur and I dislike vests on my figure, so a scarf seems a natural choice

2. A bright, A-line skirt – This is a piece that can transition from winter to spring and can be mixed up about 1000 different ways – I just have to find the right length and color.

3. Olive skinnies – these have been on my list for awhile and seem like a great alternative to jeans for casual days.

4. Suede or leather (faux of course) detailed leggings – I want to up my legging status and have them be a bit more sophisticated than the stretchy ones I snag at Target for $5 and $8.

5. A unique scarf-meets-hood sweatshirt. I like being comfy and cute and these types of hoodies seem to fit the bill. I have been eyeing this one for a while now, but it is currently out of stock. Bummer.

6. Some new work out gear to inspire me to get my tush back into the gym and hitting the pavement. Sometimes it helps to have fancy new duds to sweat in.

So that is it! My husband is going to be 100% supportive of this exercise in self-control and I hope to push myself to be a bit more creative in my outfit creations!