Oscars Fashion

So I love the red carpet and seeing what the ladies are wearing. I believe it is a part of Hollywood's job description to have almost a character of sorts that they play - Katy Perry talked about that in the music industry, comparing Kanye to the villain character and Taylor Swift to the sweetheart - on the red carpet and that's who I feel like I am watching on TV, a caricature of a real person. Anyway, I really like seeing what people are wearing - that is more fun than the show itself. But - the very feminist part of me also sees it as objectifying (because it is) and I see Reese Witherspoon's point about the differences between the interviews of men and women on the carpet. She even started a hashtag campaign #AskHerMore because women are about more than their dresses.

Obviously fashion is an absolutely integral part of the Hollywood industry and I plan to celebrate my favorite and least favorite looks as usual, but with a higher degree of respect than in the past. I did say that Marian Cotillard's dress looked like maxi-pad and that Kiera Knightly's looked like vomit and I have to own that, but moving forward I am going to try to abide by advice my mama gave me many, many, many years ago while watching some figure skating. (Figure skating the ALL the rage in the early 90's) Anyway, child-me commented on how hideous some costume was and my mom sat me down (I am sure in an effort to prevent me from turning into the mean girl I sometimes am) and asked me what I would say to the girl wearing the outfit. Would I say how fugly (ok - she definitely didn't say "fugly") her costume was or not? I obviously was way too polite to tell someone to their face how awful their outfit was and said something to that effect to my mom. And then she brought it home - if I wouldn't say it to someone's face, I shouldn't say it at all. So, in an effort to be the kinder woman my mom hoped for me to be, and to be more feminist, I am going to approach this Oscar's Fashion review a little bit differently and talk about these women as if they were my best friends. If I knew these women in real life, and they asked me how they looked before stepping out the door to attend the Acadamy Awards, what would I say to them...
I hope you enjoy it. :)

Naomi Watts - I wouldn't recommend wearing a tube-top to the Oscars, even if it is sparkly. You've looked so much classier.

Jessica Chastain - Honey, you look like Jessica Rabbit in navy and I am drooling right now.

Behati Prinsaloo - I think having your hair down will look less severe... but I doubt anyone will care with the arm-candy you've got. I don't have dreams about your husband... what do you mean we can't be friends anymore?!

Hannah Bagshawe - This is a fabulous unique dress and no one else will have anything like it and I love, love, love it.

Zendaya - I am not sure how to actually pronounce your name, but I loooooove this look. You look like a chic, sexy bohemian queen. The hair is seriously my favorite part of this look.

Felicity Jones - I think a brighter color would do you better - but I love this dress as a costume for your Star Wars movie...

Gaga - Firstly, you are actually stunning. Secondly, let's take off those dishgloves and show the world your gorgeous engagement ring. You've already tweeted it, so people know what it looks like... they are just distracting from the beautiful simplicity of this look.

Cate Blanchett - You are a goddess and I love you. Please adopt me.

Rosamund Pike - Guuuuuuuuuuuurl. You look hot, hot, hot. Like you are dressed in rose petals.

Anna Farris - You look adorable and like you could be in Frozen, but in a good way.

Lupita - you are a stunning woman, you don't need gimmicky dresses. But, if anyone could pull this off, its you.

Nicole, Nicole, Nicole - Can I be your stylist? You are so, so beautiful and this dress is chintzy. If you insist on wearing this, the belt has GOT to go.

Kelly Osborne - You look gorgeous and graceful and this is a perfect red carpet dress. Get 'em girl.

Reese Witherspoon - You can do no wrong. Go show them how brilliant women are and look flippin' gorgeous while doing it.

Julianne Moore - You have been killing it for me all awards season and I bet the detail on this dress is stunning, but it is not translating from a distance. If it didn't have the 2nd row of flowers I would like it better. But, I am SO rooting for you to win it all and it is so amazing that you are bringing more mainstream awareness to the epidemic that is dementia. Also - your hair and makeup is so on point.

Solange - no capes.

Anna Kendrick - this is how its done darling. So, so beautiful.

Oprah - I bow to you. You are so stunning and I love the hair.

ScarJo - Are you sure you want to wear that necklace? I mean, like really sure???? I feel like your earring bling is edgy enough with that haircut, so do you think you NEED to wear that necklace???