50 Shades of Blah

To see summary - I couldn't make myself copy it here.
 I really wanted to form my own opinion about the phenomenon that is Fifty Shades.  I had read some very polarizing reviews from those who skewered this book and called it crap to those who revere it as "mommy porn" and a "great love story". Well, I side more with the former...

Perhaps it is because I am coming off of books like Divergent and The Hunger Games who have kick-ass female leads. Maybe it is because I watched True Grit with yet another kick-ass female lead the day I started this book. Perhaps it is because I had just seen Magic Mike and it wasn't so magical and I was put off of this smutty genre. Or, even more likely, it could be that this is just a crappy book with a wimpy, weepy female lead and "erotic" scenes that fall a little limp - kind of like Magic Mike. I was actually BORED with this book - the plot is so weak and I was more entertained by the Goodreads reviews of this book than I was by the book itself. I echo many of the sentiments I read and I am going to share my favorites Goodreads reviews here with you (please be warned, some of them use foul language, but I tried to sensor my choices)

From Katrina Lumsden: 
(This woman had ALOT of great things to say, it was hard to pick.)
"Christian is a misogynistic, self-loathing, abusive piece of shit. Apparently, his only redeeming qualities are, in this order; his ridiculous good looks, his money, and his giant penis. The only time Ana seems to like him as a person is when he's being "lovable", and those times are few and far between. Most of the time he's serious, brooding, and threatening. How charming."

"About halfway through, I wished I'd been keeping track of the word "crap" because Ana is constantly saying/thinking it. Crap, Holy Crap, Double and Triple Crap, Oh Crap, This Crap, That Crap, any and all Crap. Speaking of crap, if I ever, ever ever have to hear/read the words "inner goddess" again, I'm going to construct a pyre out of tampons and maxi pads, light it, and toss unsuspecting women into it."

From JT Giessinger:
"The Bad: Terrible writing. Simply insufferable at times, with an abundance of repetitive, trite phrases such as "Oh, my!", "Holy crap!", ad nauseum. The author suffocates the reader with an unending ocean of rolling eyes, biting lips, sighing, shrugging, glaring and giggling. Also present is a very curious tendency to write, "he said" or "she replied" or another version of such after every single sentence uttered by the characters. I could go on, but you get the picture. Ms. James won't win any awards with this one."

From Kim:  
"Now I lay me down to sleep. I hope to hell my soul keeps. Because, if I shake off this mortal coil before I wake, I’m going to be mighty pissed that this was the last book that I freaking finished. This is not my legacy.

I can play all Britney and Oops-I-did-it-again, I could use the old adage ‘Fool me once, shame on you….’ Or I could let my horribly low self worth tell you that yes, I am an idiot and could be classified with all those soccer moms wanting an escape with shiny vampires and fallen angels. You choose.

BUT. I will admit… fully admit… that this book sucked donkey balls. Seriously." 

From Stephanie Sinclair:  "Introducing an even more abusive and disturbing TWILIGHT! Now with whips and chains!"
   Now trust me folks - what you just read up there in those reviews is better than the book itself. If you loved it, please don't be offended, it was just not my cup of tea at all. That said, I will not judge if you have to pick it up and read it for yourself - just come laugh with me about it later. Nana isn't quite convinced yet and wants to read it for herself - I cannot wait for the phone call on that day she finishes it! 


DecorandtheDog said...

So I read all of them. The writing is awful but I just had to know what happened. Dumb.

Now my mom is reading them. Awkward.

AshleaD said...

ha! That's the worst part - despite how bad it was, I STILL want to know what happens! I have been assured by the person who recommended them to me that the 2nd one has a "much better plot" and that "Christian really captures your heart" - insert skeptical face here. lol :)

Erin @ His and Hers said...

I've never read them, and never will. A lady was reading 50 Shades next to me on the subway. It was awkward. I feel like you should read "mommy porn" in the solitude of your own house far away from strangers who are squished next to you. Maybe it's just me? But anyway...those reviews are pretty hilarious!

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