A Perfect Storm

This past week has been a really, really terrible week, all culminating (for me) to today. Every year this is a hard day for me. 14 years ago today, my sweet mother lost her 7 year battle with cancer. I have struggled with her loss more as I have grown into a woman than I did when I was a young girl. I think now, I see more of the friendship I could have had with mother that I am so terribly angry I have missed out on. She did leave me with so much to aspire too - she was the strongest woman I have ever met.
Our senior pictures 
Only this year, the week leading up to this day, has been so much worse. First, and least importantly, the weather. Spring feels so far from reach and it is incredibly dreary - to put it eloquently - March sucks.
There is world-wide unrest and tragedy all over the news - riots in Egypt, Libya, and this devastating earthquake in Japan. 
Then, last week, I had to go to the funeral of a vibrant, charismatic 24 year old man - a husband of one of my friends. There is just so much wrong about that. 
What made it a Perfect Storm for me today - was church service. It is rare that the anniversary of my mom's death falls on a Sunday. I was not expecting to be overly emotional - usually I am not (really.). But due to some things I have been struggling with in my personal life and the combination of this past week's events, I just broke down.
Our Pastor was preaching on insecurities. I was nearly in tears during the skit they did prior to the sermon. They did a skit of God chiseling insecurities and imperfections out of a man. The first flaws 'God' mentioned were anger and pride, which are the two things I struggle with the most. It was all downhill from there. Matthew taught about where insecurities come from, where they originate.

1. Instability in the Home
2. A Significant Loss
3. A Rejection
Any time in life these can result in insecurities, but they have the biggest impart at a young age.  They cause people to buy into negative thoughts of being unlovable, unworthy, and that little voice constantly telling them they are no good.
It was a powerful sermon and as I looked around many people were crying. It made me mad - knowing that these people had all experienced these things in their lives, or even the trifecta of those awful experiences. It makes me sad because this is not how God imagined our lives- it was not His intention for his creations, his children who He loves, to experience this heart-wrenching pain. Not only a moment of pain, but a lasting pain that effects people long after the moment has passed.
It's heart-breaking. But you know what - we are made in God's image. We are his children and He loves us - imperfections and all.
I heard this song on my way home - and through my tears it made me hopeful.
Pink - Perfect
* there is kind of a graphic scene in this video for any sensitive viewers


Brittney said...

Sorry you are hurting right now... will say a prayer for you tonight!

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